Photos. They don't lie.

Have you ever noticed that when you stand in front of a mirror, if you stand close enough everything looks a little better. There's that great downward angle that makes you think your thighs are slender and makes you ignore any "muffin-topping" that is probably occurring because you refuse to give in to the suggestion that maybe you have outgrown your pants? No? I guess it's just me then.

Somehow, I manage to trick myself into thinking that while I have gained 22.5 lbs, no one is able to detect it. I am a magician - I can delude msyelf into truly not seeing how my body has changed... until the smoke and mirrors (literally) are gone, and I am forced to review current photos of my body.

Suddenly my thighs are three times as large as I thought they were. My waist, much wider; my arms, much thicker. Oh lord. It is a terrible surprise. But I swear I'm going to get back down to where I was. I want to be happy about what I see in pictures again. No more fake out.

It Begins... Again.

A few years ago I had a blog documenting my weight loss. I went from 255 lbs to about 170lbs on my own, and then I got down to 150lbs with the help of Weight Watchers. For three years I was able to maintain that weight (even though I wanted to lose a little more).

I went off Weight Watchers, and then back on, then off, then on... You've either experienced it yourself, or you at least get the picture. I love Weight Watchers and I really think it works.. I just haven't committed to it enough.

Looking back on my weight loss, I really think I lost the most weight when I was blogging. I think I felt accountable. The occassional comment would make me feel like people knew what I was up to.. and what I wasn't.

I'm starting this new blog, but I'm doing it a bit differently this time. I've grown a lot since my last blog so here's what I'm going to commit to:

TOTAL HONESTY
I'm not fooling around here. I'll tell you when I've gained and all the other things that used to embarrass me so much. So here it goes...

This summer I watched myself QUICKLY gain 29 lbs! Everytime I hopped on the scale I was higher.. and higher.. and higher.. and I would tell myself "must be water weight!" really, it was beer weight. And I was in some serious denial. I was getting scared of my jeans. Everytime I put them on I thought that it could be the day that I completely out grow them. I was really unhappy with myself, and even though I thought I was controlling my portions, I was deluded.

I was going to the gym regularly, but clearly my eating (and drinking) had taken a serious turn for the worse. Finally, two weeks ago I went back to Weight Watchers.

I just wanted to count my points for one week. I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to journal and be accountable for one single week. I did it and lost 5.5 lbs! This week I committed to exercising more, I did it and lost another pound!

I'm taking it one day at a time, but I'm going to get through it this time. This time I am getting to my goal weight and this time I'm staying there!